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The Origin of AMP
By Bryan Bayer

How I First Met Decker

That's when I began to realize that Decker had something that I wanted.

I had done all right with women. I had my share of girlfriends throughout college, and I thought I was about average. But when I met Decker, it completely blew open my understanding of what was possible with women.

The way women responded to him was incredible…without a word, they would walk up to him, literally go out of their way to bump into him. What on earth was going on?

He could talk to any women he wanted to, without hesitation or nervousness, even the most gorgeous ones who made my heart skip a beat. And they would always open up to him, laughing and smiling. And I would interrogate him afterwards about what he had said to her, thinking I could easily replicate it for myself. But the things he said were basically ridiculous. For example, “I like your face.” Not the smoothest line in the world—but for some reason—it worked for him.

I would even bring women home to our apartment, only to lose their interest in me as soon has they met him. He would end up with the women I brought home!

That started to really aggravate me.

I wanted to have what he had. What I didn’t initially realize is that it was not about what he was doing, it was about how he was BEING. Being, I found, was a lot harder to learn than doing.

I resolved that I would figure this out for myself. I wanted to have the kinds of experiences he was having. It was a long, hard journey, and I learned a LOT about myself, about people, and especially women. But even after months of study, I was still consistently frustrated. I was still constantly getting the "Lets Just Be Friends" reactions. It sucked. I was groping in the dark.

The Rules of Intimacy

Decker and I networked aggressively in San Francisco, looking for like-minded seekers. One woman we met, a gorgeous ballet dancer, yogini, and fellow spiritual seeker was named Nicole.

Decker, Nicole and I became friends, along with one other woman, Shelly, who we knew from our school days.

Together, guided by my good friend Mark Lewis, we formed an intentional live-in community called “Soul to Soul”. In it, we explored all the dynamics of what creates deep intimacy, including creating rules and agreements among each other, that were at times, very intense.

Here were the Rules of Intimacy that we agreed to:

• Rule of Self Expression: I will do anything I want to do, whenever I want to do it, and I don’t have to ask.

• Rule of Self-Respect: I won’t do anything I don’t want to do, whenever I don’t want to do it, and I don’t have to give a reason why.

• Rule of No Hiding: If there’s something I hesitate when I think about sharing it, I agree to share it anyway.

  The No-Hiding rule was TOUGH. It meant that even the things I was most afraid of being shamed about, my dirtiest laundry, the places where I felt the most unlovable, I was COMMITTING to sharing. It felt REALLY scary to share everything that came up out of this, and luckily the next agreement was there to encourage this.)

• Rule of No Shaming: I commit to not “make you wrong” or judge you for whatever you share.

Now, I was deeply attracted to Nicole, and began to fall in love with her. We spent hours and hours together, becoming closer and closer. I had been looking for an amazing woman to explore a relationship as a spiritual practice where we grow and evolve together, and Nicole was perfect! Gorgeous, EXTREMELY sensitive, spiritual, and deep.

So, when she chose to be with Decker, I flipped out. I was just a friend. Again. And it sucked. Especially when they moved in together.

The best (and worst) part of the whole thing was that we were playing this “Game Of Intimacy” together. So, according to the “Rule of Self Expression”, Decker was obligated to relate with Nicole, regardless of how I felt about it. And, according to the “No Hiding” rule, I was obligated to share all my upset and jealousy. Not to mention the fact that Decker was also lovers with the other woman in our quartet. So here I was, living with Decker and his two girlfriends, and I had none. And, we all loved each other very deeply, and were committed to staying in relationship together.

At times, it was so painful for me, that I wanted out. I wanted to run away. I wanted to kill Decker. I resented and envied him for having something that I didn’t.

I Asked Her a Question That Changed My Life

In anger and frustration, I asked Nicole a question that would change my life: “Why, after all the time we spent together, did you choose Decker over me?”

She reflected back to me: “It feels like you want something from me—that I have to protect myself, somehow.” And it was true. I DID want something from her. I wanted her to desire me sexually, be attracted to me. More than wanting to sleep with her, I wanted HER to want to sleep with ME. I needed her to want to sleep with me. I wanted that validation of myself as a masculine, powerful, sexually desireable man. In this way, she was a “means to an end for me.”

And in receiving this feedback, realizing the impact that my neediness had on her, I imagined what it was actually like to BE HER, feel what she was feeling in all this…

…I have this wonderful, loving person in my life, who I love, but who is PULLING something from me, that I am not fully a PERSON to him, I’m just a means to an end…a way to validate himself…

And I shuddered. I felt TERRIBLE. I didn’t want to have that impact on ANY woman, much less a woman I really loved and cared about. I knew that this neediness was a big source of the problem I was having with all the women in my life. I committed to resolving this neediness, no matter what it took.

Decker suggested a practice for me. To take on the perspective, “What if no woman ever found you sexually attractive, ever again? Could you still be completely in love with your life, even then?”

This practice freaked me out. A life without women EVER being attracted to me? Ever again? A life without sex, without the spice of sexy women?

Is it even worth living? I resolved to find out.

The "No Women" Diet

I went on a “No Women” Diet. I stopped trying desperately to create attraction with women. I stopped approaching women, and I tried to come to grips with the thought of never being with another woman ever again.

I did a 10-day silent, no-eye-contact meditation course, and focused on being completely in love with my life, even if no woman ever found me attractive ever again.

On the other side of it, my life started to change … FAST.

When my hiatus from women lifted, my dating life skyrocketed. Women were coming out of the woodwork…approaching me, seeking me out….and this time there was a TANGIBLE SPARK of attraction.

Even Nicole and Shelly, who just recently had been extremely sexually closed to me, suddenly were WAY more excited to be with me, and I could FEEL the circuit of attraction between us, the electricity of Polarity present.

The best part of this, however, was not the abundance of women in my life. The best part, was the peace and freedom in knowing that I didn’t NEED them. I wanted them, but I didn’t need them to complete me, to make me whole. I had significantly healed that part of myself.

How AMP Was Born

On a flight back from visiting my family, I was reflected on the events of the past several months, and how amazing my shift had been. I traced it back to the moment where Nicole had offered that feedback, and how edgy that must have been for her, to be so honest with me, and still love me so deeply.

That combination of love, and brutal honesty changed my life. It was a gift…and not just to me. Certainly, I now had an abundance of gorgeous women in my life…but this was also a gift for other WOMEN I came into contact with (because I wasn’t being as needy with them), and a gift to the WORLD, because I was a stronger, more whole and complete person…there was more of ME here!

In tears of gratitude, I realized that this incredible gift of hers, had helped me to become a better man. And my resulting success with women was just a byproduct of me being more ME—more….Authentic.

And I realized that this was a gift that I wanted other men to have.

And instantly a vision unfolded….The Authentic Man Program. A place where men come and get loving, personalized, direct, no-holds-barred feedback from women who love men and are fiercely committed to their greatness. A place where women would be honored and sourced, supported financially for their feminine gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

In that moment, AMP was born.